Since I'm busy with formatting Dark Illusions: The Next Chapter, I thought I'd share some posts from the archives.
Here is a great post that I wrote back in 2010 (11-4-2010). (Resists urge to edit.)
It's always interesting to me how people can change so much; or not. How some are just completely content being the same as they have always been, rather than to consciously grow as an individual person.
Even more interesting is how a person can outgrow people around them. Where you realize that even though that person's situation has changed: maybe they got married, or had children, moved, etc., but yet they haven't changed. Their circumstances and environment changed. They may have even matured more than before. But again, they haven't changed. At. All.
They were once so close to you. They were a friend/partner/love interest/family member and together you both made a pair. Something happens and you spend a while apart and when you come back, something is different.
Which is when you realize...
It's you.
You've grown as an individual, but they are still the same... and it's almost as though you wonder if you can still accept them. Without question you can because they are a friend of yours and that's what you do.
It's just that you talk to them, your try to get to know the person they've become, and you realize that you've gone far past where they have in life. They are happy having settled with what life gave them--which is great... for them---however, that's not something you are content with.
You have been working, and continue to work on, not only improving yourself, and your situation, but also making your life better. You decided a long time ago that you wouldn't just settle for what came your way. You weren't content in what was there. You wanted more!
You heard that the earth was flat like they did, but rather than settle with that fact, you felt as though there was more to the story, but even if there wasn't, you had to know for yourself. You needed the solid proof, not just what was there.
Which is what it's like. Eventually you come to realize that while you are still learning and interested in doing so, they aren't. You can feel that shift between you two. You can feel how much you've left them behind. Maybe they can to. But that's a point we all may reach for different reasons...
Maybe the reason also stems from the fact that they are people that need to be left in your past. They were left there for a reason...
Which is what I learned recently.
I thought I could do it. I thought I could get back in touch with friends from the past, work things out and discuss things to clear the air. But there are some, I'm realizing, that I left in the past for a reason. Even if at that time I didn't realize that I WAS doing it for a good reason. I do now. Some people are meant to stay in the past because you are growing, and changing, and they aren't... or won't. You may not even realize it. But you move on because you need to.
The thing that bothers me most about some of them is that I realized their place of giving advice stemmed from them believing that they shouldn't trust my judgement. That THEY were so know-it-all that (and they needed to for their own self-importance) they believed the advice they gave me was the only way. Never caring that there was a possibility I could do it without their help. Or that perhaps they feared that. That I didn't actually need their help and they knew it. Which is why they ended up in my past.
I've since learned that a lot of those people need to be left there. I thought I could do it. Until I learned that the friends I have now accept me as is. I am SO far different than I was, even just a month ago. But they accept it without question. Maybe I am just one of those people that don't need friends from the past all the time to come with me to my future because my future doesn't include them. I don't need them and I never did.
I've always garnered myself a loner and always said it's not the quantity but quality of friends I have and I know it's true. So I'm leaving them behind in a past I will forget because the who I am today doesn't need who they are tomorrow. The who I am right now is a complete person as I am. Who I am will change as soon as a minute from now, tomorrow, the next day, and on. Because I am growing as a person. I am working on my problems and overcoming them but I don't need those memories of a past that isn't me. I am all those experiences I went through and so much more. But I am complete as I am. I am happy to be me. I'm happy as I am. And those people don't like that because they aren't. They are the type that hold you back which is why they need to stay in the past.
This isn't about garnering attention from those that never bothered giving it anyway. When a person decides to move on, it's for them. I'm the woman who will tell someone straight out, "Look, I just don't want to get to know you anymore. You're a nice person and I like you, but there's nothing else I want to know about you." I have said that to a man who was talking to me and getting to know me. I told him that and he said he'd never gotten such a straight-forward answer, and he certainly couldn't argue with something like that. As I'd said, it wasn't a "bad" reason. It wasn't that he wasn't a nice guy. I just didn't want to know him and there was nothing else I wanted to learn about him. I wasn't going to string him along because I needed attention since I don't. I'm not that type of person. I'm perfectly content in being alone. I'm quite happy as I am. I don't need someone else to do it for me.
As I told someone recently, "I decide who is my friend thank you." Which is the same for you. You are the final decision maker. Nobody else. It's up to you to decide who will be here tomorrow and who not. Who deserves to be? It's not about people being dispensable objects either as a lot of the friends I have now, I would never throw casually away. But it doesn't matter to me if we've promised to be friends forever. If a friendship grows stagnant and they no longer deserve to be there, it's up to you to choose what's best for you and there are times it means leaving them in the past where they belong. Some friendships are going to last forever, but sometimes forever isn't as long as you think. That's a tough decision and only one you can make, but you have to make it for what's best for you, not them. You have to say to yourself... does this person make me feel alive? Worthwhile? Like the great person I am? Or not? Let them go if they don't. If you feel that slight "eh" feeling in the pit of your stomach, leave them behind.
And you know what?
That's okay.
Something's should be left behind...
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