Bubbles forever!! Cause I can't think of another good title.

I think it's time for Bubbles to make a comeback. And I'm going to hold onto that goofy girl with everything I have! This past year be damned. People love me for being happy-go-lucky bubbles and anyone that has issues with it can take a hike.

Let them live in this world being all pessimistic. I stopped being that way a long time ago after I was "hurt" (I don't mind discussing it, but I'm not bringing attention to it) and I refuse to go back to that. I see nothing in life to be dead and pessimistic about. Life is full of change and opportunity. The sun will still come out, tomorrow will come, you always have the chance to make a change. Now; not later!

I let a lot of people get to me that choose to be mean, pessimistic, critical, cruel, and so much more to the point where my shoulders were heavy with "their" cynical attitudes and I started being that way. But guess what? Life is what you make it. Take responsibility for your part, take control, and choose happiness. That's it. That's the big secret. Make the choice. Take pleasure in the smallest things and be in that moment. No need to rush through it, even the bad. Feel the pain as it comes, then let it move on by. That's how to be happy. (Yes I'm listening to myself.) Then nobody can drag you down! Don't be afraid to give all the love you have to give, to everyone you cross paths with. You are already so full of love that you really don't need it from other's but yes, everyone feels so much better receiving it as well and I get that. 


What gets under my... gumption..., is the fact that we are not born to be so full of anger, distrust, negativity. It's bred into us. From being hurt, from people walking away from us and so much more. Through the cynical attitudes of the people around us we learn to be cynical. Through the pressures of society, we learn how to hate, easier than we learn how to love and forgive each other. But why? What is wrong with expressing your genuine love for everyone around you? Even total strangers?


Think about it: How weird would it be for people around you to hear you tell them "I love you" even if they were a total stranger that only opened the door for you? They would be shocked. They would think you were absolutely stir crazy. Maybe we are. Maybe you are, I am, and anyone else that genuinely takes the time out of their busy day to stop and pay attention to that person. Maybe it is shocking to do so (and for people to freely accept that there are no ulterior motives), but I will genuinely treat everyone like they are the most important person in the world to me in that moment. It doesn't matter who I talk to, or when. I give them my complete undivided attention and I focus only on them. As soon as I'm done? I shake it off and move on without giving them a second thought. Well, unless they've given me something to think about, or they're a friend (which for me is anyone I have a conversation with, or even say hi to).

I dare anyone to read this to do just that. For one week, go around and tell everyone you love them rather than thank you. But mean it. Feel love for them. Don't just pass by some stranger and go "yeah thanks" as though they don't even exist because gosh forbid we start learning how to genuinely appreciate one another no matter what. 

I make the choice to be happy everyday. It's a struggle to maintain it, I won't even lie... because I choose to be open rather than lie. 


Okay fine, I will admit something: I have a really bad habit of pushing away men that I feel are getting too close and can really make me feel something. Heck I told one I didn't even love him and yet I do. He's been a great friend to me. I love him yet I don't want to be just another female friend of his telling him I love him so I did the opposite and I'm too petrified to tell him different. It's hard for me to. So I'm not always perfect at being open and all that. Some men become kryptonite for meh. Pfft. Woah, digressing a bit there...


Anyhoosie. What bothers me most about this past year is that under the influence of so many people and their negativity, and trying to change me, I started to. I pride myself on not allowing others to influence me, so when I fall off that proverbial pedestal, honestly, it's a hard fall for me. I don't enjoy being reminded of my human-ness. lol  I am a Goddess darnnit! But really, I have so many people that I know look up to me as the strong one, that I sometimes feel that those mistakes aren't allowed. I know they are, but still. That makes it tough for me. I feel embarrassed over a lot of things that I've done this past year under the influence of such cynicism and negativity and in thinking that maybe I just needed to change this about me, or that, to fit in a leetle more. A lot of things have gotten to me, and people, to where they made me feel that being good and sweet, and being myself, wasn't good enough. To where I felt that I was a disposable commodity to them, and to most people. That doesn't ever sit well with me. 


I do not belong on the sale rack. I belong front and center because I am worth that.


So I have been incommunicado lately. Nursing wounds I guess you can say. Trying to figure a lot of things out. I'm out there, but yet not all of me is. I just don't like others to save me. I never have them there to rely on when I need saving most of the time, so I get used to doing it myself. But I'm tired of it. I like being super sociable and chattery. I like talking to people. Granted, in real life, I'm the quiet girl taking everything in more than chatting unless you get me alone, but, it's just who I am. I get lost in my head and thinking about things to the point where it's hard for me to loosen up. But everyone loves me because of the way I am. Too many people have influenced my actions this past year and all I hear in my head, is a really wise friend telling me "get my head right" which needless to say, is making me want to yell, "oh just shut it already I get the point!" But that's why I love him. He's never been afraid to be blunt with me. And is one of the few who can get away with it.


But then I'd be talking to myself. 
Wait... technically I am already. 


So SCREW YOU to you negative nellies! That's not me. I am a sunshiny, happy bubbly, goofy girly, good, sweet, girl... just not behind closed doors. 


I'm sure a lot of people won't understand why I am so open and choose to smile instead of being all negative and pouty like them and that's fine. I don't need, nor solicit, their opinion on how to run my life. I live with my consequences. I may not always make the right choices, in fact, maybe I make the wrong ones a lot, but you know what I do? Keep going. I learn and try not to make the same, but I keep my chin up (most of the time) and smile (most of the time) even when I don't feel like it and I love making people do the same. Which is why I live the way I do. 


It's just who I am.


You are the source and the person who can truly make a difference. 

Not them; you.


I'm not quite sure where I was headed with this, I just needed to get it out. So um... I guess I'm done for this second.


Do you have the nerve to try my little experiment?  


Hugs and kisses and more to come!
Stay tuned!


P.S. If you're looking for a really hilarious blogger to follow, check out a fellow friend here - http://darkstormyloopy.blogspot.com/ He's a goober. Let him know I sent you and maybe you'll get a lollipop!