As I get older, I find the urge to live on the land grows. To buy (or build) a home on land as far as the eye can see. I was born to be free, to live in a place where you see nothing but earth for miles and miles and miles. To listen to the winds as it whispers along the earth, the eagle's call as it hunts. To hear the sounds of the thunder clapping across the sky on a stormy night, the wind whipping the hair around your head until you don't know left from right. To feel the sunshine warm against your face.
I think, in that way, I take after my dad. But how I differ from my dad is how much I also love many animals around me. People find the way they respond to me funny. Maybe it's that I can speak without saying a word to them, I'm not sure. I just know that people have always said I possess a "gift" when it comes to animals and I have learned that it's true. My empathy works as well on animals as it does humans so I see things in them. I find they are drawn to me.
I think my dad and I got each other regarding those sides of our personality because I remember my dad was the one person who knew how to handle me in situations like that. He never pushed me to be around people, to go out and visit friends. I can only remember one time during our entire trip to North Dakota (just him, me, and my Wolf/German Shepherd/Black Lab mix) that he told me to come visit with the family. Once I did, he left me alone to go back to doing my own thing.
On our stops when we'd set up the camper in the national forest parks, I'd wander off alone with my dog Kelly, and walk through exploring (fully aware that it was an active bear zone, lol) the woods while my dad went off and did his own thing. He knew how to bring me back, but let me go free and trusted that I could take care of myself, which always inspired me to be brave and strong, to not fear being different and enjoy being alone. He gave that to me and when he passed, I think that's something I missed most.
I find the lack of patience with having people around me all the time grows. This past Thanksgiving it really came clear to me how little I fit in with my own family and those around me. When around groups of people, I notice I start getting bummed out, don't want to pursue my dreams, and my self-esteem plummets. Maybe it's my empathy and the stress it puts on me from all the emotions around me. At times I feel too much. I like silence. I guess I'm weird in that way. Could be the types of people around me, but it seems even when I'm just around people. As much as I love getting to know people, and learning about them, I find the lazies set in when physically around people, unless I'm taking care of them. I was born to move, to travel. Even if it just means walking around and exploring in the woods, the beach, the land.
I discovered a lot of why I am the way I am when I was younger by just knowing my heritage.
For the few who don't know, I am half Norwegian (Dad's side); and a quarter each of Native American (Choctaw, or Cherokee, but don't know for sure), and Irish (mom's side). In looks, the Irish rules.
In soul, the Native American and Norwegian does. I always thought the Native American was more for the love of the land, and animals, yet I found a book about my Norwegian heritage when I moved my room around a few weeks ago. Stories and information about the Norwegians who came (went) to North Dakota. They were pioneers of the West. It made a lot of sense as the why I love the West and land so much. Or I'm just trying to find a reason for my weirdness.
I think that is becoming a dream of mine, and even more a craving to make it reality as I get older. I want land. Space. A horse farm. A wildlife sanctuary. Something.
As odd as it may seem, the more space I get, the more I'm able to help people. My creative side flourishes. Maybe that's something with creative people: they need to be alone.
(That picture, next to a black stallion, is my favorite. Grey horse, pink nose, white socks, black and white mane and tail. But look at that laaaannnnddd.)
I've lived in the same neighborhood my entire life, but when we were younger, my dad took us traveling every single summer and many weekends, in the camper to check out National Parks, different places in our own state of Washington, hiking, fishing, all over, and it was incredible.
He and I took a trip to North Dakota and back the year before he passed away, and being out there was heaven. Montana and Wyoming are two of my favorite places we went through simply because of that land. I've spent summers with cousins in Arizona, in North Dakota, Mississippi, and the two latter, I would roam all alone along the streets as a kid. I can't tell you how much I enjoy that lifestyle and the peace.
I no longer fit in with the crazy hustle and bustle of city life. I don't think I ever did. I used to try so hard to fit in, thinking something was wrong with me because I didn't want to run around with friends, and didn't want to hang out with the "group." Even now to this day, I am criticized for the way I am by the majority of people around me, yet I know there is nothing wrong with me. I'm happier than I have ever been, more confident. My family doesn't understand how someone can be happy doing their own thing, not wanting to go party, the club, the bar, shopping at the mall, or even hang out with them, but after many years of criticizing why would I want to be around them? A person will only take so much.
I feel suffocated. The walls close in on me at times and it's all I can do not to go crazy, but I am on the pursuit of that freedom, that dream, that land, and that is more important to me than anything else. I want to be the one who achieves her dreams in this family. I want to get that land, and not sit by and wish for it when I'm in my 80's. I want, as my family (dad's side) used to have (and still may who knows), a huge homestead with land.
Large home + lots of land = pure bliss.
I just wish more people around me understood that. I refuse to allow my dreams to stay dreams. How am I to build a brand to inspire people to go after their dreams, and help them change their lives, if I'm not doing it right along with them? I've only ever been able to help people when I've been able to show them I did it. And this is something that despite taking many years to achieve, I will achieve. I'm open to it changing around, but not in giving up on what my heart has wanted since I was born.
Who knows, maybe instead of a wildlife sanctuary, it will end up being a sanctuary for children and teenagers to go who have no other place to go. Or both? I'd rather a house full of the children and animals that nobody else wanted than anything else. Because everyone and everything needs someone in their corner. Because it would make me happy.
That's how fun life is. It changes, and grows. You never know what you're gonna get. You just have to be willing to open yourself up to the rhythm.
I think, in that way, I take after my dad. But how I differ from my dad is how much I also love many animals around me. People find the way they respond to me funny. Maybe it's that I can speak without saying a word to them, I'm not sure. I just know that people have always said I possess a "gift" when it comes to animals and I have learned that it's true. My empathy works as well on animals as it does humans so I see things in them. I find they are drawn to me.
I think my dad and I got each other regarding those sides of our personality because I remember my dad was the one person who knew how to handle me in situations like that. He never pushed me to be around people, to go out and visit friends. I can only remember one time during our entire trip to North Dakota (just him, me, and my Wolf/German Shepherd/Black Lab mix) that he told me to come visit with the family. Once I did, he left me alone to go back to doing my own thing.
On our stops when we'd set up the camper in the national forest parks, I'd wander off alone with my dog Kelly, and walk through exploring (fully aware that it was an active bear zone, lol) the woods while my dad went off and did his own thing. He knew how to bring me back, but let me go free and trusted that I could take care of myself, which always inspired me to be brave and strong, to not fear being different and enjoy being alone. He gave that to me and when he passed, I think that's something I missed most.
I find the lack of patience with having people around me all the time grows. This past Thanksgiving it really came clear to me how little I fit in with my own family and those around me. When around groups of people, I notice I start getting bummed out, don't want to pursue my dreams, and my self-esteem plummets. Maybe it's my empathy and the stress it puts on me from all the emotions around me. At times I feel too much. I like silence. I guess I'm weird in that way. Could be the types of people around me, but it seems even when I'm just around people. As much as I love getting to know people, and learning about them, I find the lazies set in when physically around people, unless I'm taking care of them. I was born to move, to travel. Even if it just means walking around and exploring in the woods, the beach, the land.
I discovered a lot of why I am the way I am when I was younger by just knowing my heritage.
For the few who don't know, I am half Norwegian (Dad's side); and a quarter each of Native American (Choctaw, or Cherokee, but don't know for sure), and Irish (mom's side). In looks, the Irish rules.
In soul, the Native American and Norwegian does. I always thought the Native American was more for the love of the land, and animals, yet I found a book about my Norwegian heritage when I moved my room around a few weeks ago. Stories and information about the Norwegians who came (went) to North Dakota. They were pioneers of the West. It made a lot of sense as the why I love the West and land so much. Or I'm just trying to find a reason for my weirdness.
I think that is becoming a dream of mine, and even more a craving to make it reality as I get older. I want land. Space. A horse farm. A wildlife sanctuary. Something.
As odd as it may seem, the more space I get, the more I'm able to help people. My creative side flourishes. Maybe that's something with creative people: they need to be alone.
(That picture, next to a black stallion, is my favorite. Grey horse, pink nose, white socks, black and white mane and tail. But look at that laaaannnnddd.)
I've lived in the same neighborhood my entire life, but when we were younger, my dad took us traveling every single summer and many weekends, in the camper to check out National Parks, different places in our own state of Washington, hiking, fishing, all over, and it was incredible.
He and I took a trip to North Dakota and back the year before he passed away, and being out there was heaven. Montana and Wyoming are two of my favorite places we went through simply because of that land. I've spent summers with cousins in Arizona, in North Dakota, Mississippi, and the two latter, I would roam all alone along the streets as a kid. I can't tell you how much I enjoy that lifestyle and the peace.
I no longer fit in with the crazy hustle and bustle of city life. I don't think I ever did. I used to try so hard to fit in, thinking something was wrong with me because I didn't want to run around with friends, and didn't want to hang out with the "group." Even now to this day, I am criticized for the way I am by the majority of people around me, yet I know there is nothing wrong with me. I'm happier than I have ever been, more confident. My family doesn't understand how someone can be happy doing their own thing, not wanting to go party, the club, the bar, shopping at the mall, or even hang out with them, but after many years of criticizing why would I want to be around them? A person will only take so much.
I feel suffocated. The walls close in on me at times and it's all I can do not to go crazy, but I am on the pursuit of that freedom, that dream, that land, and that is more important to me than anything else. I want to be the one who achieves her dreams in this family. I want to get that land, and not sit by and wish for it when I'm in my 80's. I want, as my family (dad's side) used to have (and still may who knows), a huge homestead with land.
Large home + lots of land = pure bliss.
I just wish more people around me understood that. I refuse to allow my dreams to stay dreams. How am I to build a brand to inspire people to go after their dreams, and help them change their lives, if I'm not doing it right along with them? I've only ever been able to help people when I've been able to show them I did it. And this is something that despite taking many years to achieve, I will achieve. I'm open to it changing around, but not in giving up on what my heart has wanted since I was born.
Who knows, maybe instead of a wildlife sanctuary, it will end up being a sanctuary for children and teenagers to go who have no other place to go. Or both? I'd rather a house full of the children and animals that nobody else wanted than anything else. Because everyone and everything needs someone in their corner. Because it would make me happy.
That's how fun life is. It changes, and grows. You never know what you're gonna get. You just have to be willing to open yourself up to the rhythm.
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