Only you control the way others make you feel because they cannot make you feel anything. They can do actions, which cause you to feel a certain way as a consequence, but they can't actually make you feel a certain way.
You are the one in control of your own emotions. You control the way you react to situations and to people. You are the one in the driver's seat of your heart.
The heart wants what the heart wants. That's true. You cannot choose who you fall in love with. That's true.
But . . . it's up to you to be there. It's up to you to show up. Love isn't some miracle that only a few special people will know. As humans, we are born to love as much as we are born to breathe. It's a natural feeling that comes in many different forms, and many different ways, but it lives within us.
It also requires a degree of trust, respect, and willingness to work to keep that love alive. To show up and to feed it. Like plants need water, humans need love and to be appreciated. To not be taken for granted. The moment we don't feed the love within us, whether in a relationship with others, or a relationship with ourselves, it can wither, it can even become so damaged that it becomes hard to feel in a natural way.
It's important to constantly nurture that feeling. Not just for the way it provides for us, but the way it provides for others.
I've heard them say on average, a human will go through life and experience 2-3 great loves in their entire life. I've had two so far. Maybe what they say is true. Third time is the charm. A lot of people hear that and then think, well then I'm done, I've loved a lot of people.
But have you? Really ask yourself. Have. You. Reeaaaalllyyyy loved all those people? Take a moment to go back and think on it. I know I've loved a great many people. I've adored and liked so so many people. I can fall in love with some so easy.
But . . . this is the kicker.
I didn't love them to the point that I would've sacrificed anything just to ensure their happiness. I think, and feel like, to say that you have truly had a great love, then it means that you would've sacrificed everything to ensure their happiness.
It is when that persons happiness is as important to you as your own, perhaps more. Call it a selfless nature at the end of the day, but that's to me, what a great love is about.
That doesn't mean that you couldn't walk away from them because sometimes to ensure another's happiness, it means that you do have to walk away. Or to ensure your own. Doesn't make either of you love the other less.
That's the hardest part of loving someone, isn't it? To walk away. To decide that they can only find happiness without you there? Or that you can.
What is my worth, if I cannot hold such a deep love for anyone, for myself? All my life, that to me, has been the greatest hope. To find that one great love who'd surpass all others, who I could let down my hair with, open up to, and truly love. I've always felt they were out there because I've never been able to do that with anyone.
Those I've opened up to have not held up their end of the deal. I can be extremely sensitive and vulnerable. I can trust too much. I need a strong partner who's willing to go the distance with me, who is willing to stand strong when I'm weak, to reassure me on those days I become insecure, to handle that I am a girl. I am extremely independent and strong. It has been hard for me to lean on people because usually by the time I need them, they are not there so I do hold back and need someone to show me it is okay to stop holding back.
It took me a long time to realize that is not wrong.
I need someone who is strong enough to open themselves up to me as much as I would for them. That takes times, which most seem to fear. Time is infinite. I do not believe if we die tomorrow, that as long as you live today and in this moment, that the time you lived was wasted. You brought something to this place. Right this second.
I am as deep, vast, and complicated as the ocean. Or a "complex creature" (lol) as a friend recently said because to be honest, even after years, nobody can say they know me. It takes a long, long time to peel through my layers, and much work.
I don't willingly allow just anyone in, or close. I don't feel that right after a person meets me and smiles at me, they should have the privilege of my heart and more important, my soul.
Patience. Patience and strength is what I seek. My great love will have those. I know this. I know that because I seek the best of the best and know that the pair to me will be powerful in his own way. Admired, and who strives for more in his life, who reaches for the stars the way I do. But I also seek traditional. As much as I am a career woman, there is nothing more that I love than to take care of people.
I think that is what great loves are. They aren't just our equal, but they are our opposing force in the world. The ones who change us whether we want it or not. Patience is what finds those individuals, because it weeds out those who should not be there.
I say this also because what I think we all need to remember isn't just about relaxing into what may come, and appreciating what is, but to remember that we too, need to remember this for ourselves. We need to see ourselves as more important. As less afraid to love others, but even more less fearful of loving ourselves.
As the song goes, what the world needs now is love sweet love. Cheesy, but I love it.
I have been hurt. I have suffered a heartbreak so severe I got physically sick from it, and that shattered my heart. Yet as much as I fear love far deeper than what I felt for that person, I don't. Not really. Because if I did, I wouldn't love people, I wouldn't' still have that hope of finding it within me. But to be able to find that great love, I need to be willing to love that deeply.
Love myself, love others, and above all, remember that it is my choice to break away from anyone in my path who I may love, but in my gut I know they aren't that person, and are acting like a closed door on my path, preventing me from moving forward, holding me back. To take that giant leap of faith and walk that path alone until I find that person.
Someone who can let me go when I need to fly, yet someone who can remain my rock when I come back.
It can be lonely yes, but I would rather suffer that loneliness when it comes those few times during this time, so that I can appreciate that love that I find later. I would rather have the patience and grow to have that best friend who stands by my side and willingly chooses to show up without turning away from me, than have someone I don't even know, and who's not even willing to know my soul deep down in the end. I seek a best friend who I can laugh with when the rest fades away. I seek a willing adventurer who likes to play, to build passion and fire it up with me, to explore life and the world, rather than a couch potato unwilling to even stand up. Someone who wishes to place in the rain, who'll dance beneath the moonlight with me. Someone who stands with me when the world is against me and who is not afraid to take on the world to get to me.
Comments
Post a Comment